I haven't leaned in... have I ? 🤔🤔

Is that gloomy enough to set a tone? 😉😉              PC: Kalirajan Subramanian

I have been thinking of writing this ever since I moved out of my professional career a few years ago, but seems the stars aligned only now. OK, is this one of those feminist posts ? No, a conservative patriarchal ?  A popular crowd appeaser ? Which -ism does this resonate with? 😨 I swear I do not know. Why don't we together discover..

As a cutting edge Information Technology professional with an action packed career and motherhood,  I had well surpassed a dozen plus years at work. Slowly, the heat of the prolonged balancing acts had begun to surface. Constant work pressures regularly left a slack at home and health. The blunt truth howsoever one dislikes is, when work beckons, it is the first priority. Everything else takes a back seat. Slowly but steadily circumstances and reflections made me drift towards slowing down and adding more quality to life. After few meaningful discussions with my husband and some financial planning, we decided and I officially informed my intention to "quit". Argh!! the grossly overused term of the millennium!!

Yes, the ever multitasking Ma Durga     PC: WWW

First reactions were from my mentors, team mates and colleagues with whom I had worked hitherto. Shock, understanding, kindness to fix me a resumption time, these were some of their spontaneous reactions. I shall ever be so grateful to them for those gestures. These were the wonderful minds who apart from being industry leaders were great humans who supported and uplifted me through the years.  I hope during my tenure I have extended this favor to my team as well. Trust me, with every instance of this mutual understanding and support not only our rapport leaped but also the overall results got better.  I state this for every reader who might be a colleague or a boss to an employee in-need so that he/she provides enough support and opportunity to that candidate. Unfortunately, the case is not the same in many organisations. Generally, women tend to get penalized for maternity and the demands it poses. I vividly remember, in 2004, the evening when I was packing off from office for my maternity leave, a colleague, a married gentleman quipped, "Enjoy your vacation for three months"!!  Well, I really hope, by now, he has understood that delivering a baby is anything but a vacation !! 🤷‍♀️🙄

I am not even speaking about paternity, not sure if this still ends with just a few days of paid leave for the new father. Though policies might have undergone some changes off-late, a lot rests in the cultural mindset change. It need not only be the arrival of a baby, any personal circumstance that impacts an employee needs tactful handling. A little support from the closest work and family circles at such times goes a long way in reducing physical and psychological stress, preventing unnecessary attrition, transforming performance levels and relationships in favor of the long term. If there are industry-wide policies to back this, all the more effective.  For instance part/flexi time options, internal transfers to and from departments that can function with reduced work hours, sabbatical provisions etc. Presently these might be available only in a handful of organisations, and there again leadership-based.  Needless to say, authenticity and track record of the individual are crucial factors but overall, can industries and customers slow down a wee bit for the good of the entire work force??

Papa has to check in that code, with one hand around the junior       PC: WWW

The interesting part now. Much to my amusement, some of my other folks, women and men alike had some startling revelations for me. Some considered my decision lowly.  They thought now I shall just chill at home, not having to win the idli and sambar for the family. On the other hand few considered my decision a woman's failure to lean in. They thought I was indeed "quitting". While few others were so appreciative of my decision. In their perspective I had done the best thing for my family. Mothers should not run behind their own careers, that is better left to men and the home is better taken care of by women, they advised. This left me rather bewildered, I must say. Am I supposed to be happy with my stance or not? After much contemplation, I decided to just feel it out. My gut (heart?) shall show the way.

After a super relaxed summer vacation with my spouse and kid, routine life started. Mornings were more relaxed than before. I had all the energy to pack interesting and healthy lunch boxes. I could chew food, pace slower, exercise and most importantly take calmer showers!!😌😊 In the solitude of the mid day I caught up with reading, made those forever-forgotten phone calls, connected with people. A short while later I started blogging as well. Life was good. There were also a bunch of days when I woke up attending stand-up meetings, product release phases and felt a sudden heavy vacuum. The heaviness lingered till other demands of the day took over. We adopted a pet and our child's exuberance doubled as she came back home daily to two awaiting souls. We did not go on fire-fighting mode when the school suddenly closed for a day or when the kido fell ill or during the vacations. By then, I had also figured out causes for which I could set aside few hours to volunteer and then took on teaching. Speaking of which, I had to become one to understand how time-crunched and hard-pressed Teachers are! 🙏 I kept consciously recording my feelings and relied on them for guidance. Overall, they seemed to convey I was doing well. So, that was it.

Eventually, all what folks told me were neither right nor wrong. Those were plain judgments, their judgments. My only response to all of it is, why should a woman's decisions be judged? Why should any body's decisions be judged?In fact, slowing down and one of the partners opting out of work for the family, are fast becoming quite gender neutral.  Some of my confidants still continue with their careers while few have taken similar paths as mine. We are all happy for each other. As long as territories are not trespassed, each one's life is better lived on their own terms.

Judgments, comments, opinions... one too many                PC: WWW

I cannot classify my decision as success or failure. It is just my personal decision. The whole notion of quitting has a very different meaning to me. It is a misnomer in its current usage. 

• Do people changing careers quit? 
• Can any one ever quit? 
• Does a full time home-maker quit? 
• Have all the working men and women quit home? 
• Does archaic stereotyping still make sense?  
• What can organisations or employers do to help? 
• Why this mad rush everywhere? 
• In our endless bucket list, where's the place for health and happiness?
• Is leaning in, only meant for work? 
• Should one lean in at all? ... Time we paid some serious thought on these

In my personal opinion, certainly yes. Gentlemen and ladies, we should lean in, to life. 

Let's take charge, be conscious, accountable, supportive, independent and fun-loving, wherever we are. Challenges, peaks and troughs occur in all walks of life. Work, family or finances, let's do what is right for us and those who matter. These are as personal as one's sartorial preferences. One size does not fit all. Ultimately, one life is all we got. Let it neither be a passive ride nor a blind race.

Only this matters              PC: WWW

PS: As this post shaped up, a small set of friends, from varied backgrounds, pitched in to provide their enriching views. My sincere gratitude to them for their active participation.